The Threadless Nut

I noticed as I was perusing the feeds this morning that the film “Easy A” is now available on Netflix, and DVD in general: Netflix: Easy A. This film was released in theaters on 9/17 and to DVD on 12/21.

Now, this is not a film that I’m particularly interested in, though it does seem to have reasonably good reviews. The reason it caught my eye is that I recalled seeing the same film on the schedule of our local discount theater. It is still showing there right now (well, at 7:10 tonight). I see a lot of movies at that theater. It’s $2, and not up-to-date, but for a lot of movies it’s just fine, and makes for an inexpensive night out.

So, what has me troubled is that we now have the DVD release of a relatively well reviewed film being rushed so much that it’s going to squeeze out these discount theaters. There have always been straight to DVD releases, and DVD release schedules have been compressing,  but there has always been enough “first run” content with enough of a gap to keep the discount theaters stoked with content a few weeks behind the multiplex.

Not sure if this is going to be the new normal or this is just an isolated case, but I hope things balance out in a way that preserves a place for the “cinema poco costoso” (blame Google translate if that’s horribly wrong)

I have yet to decide if this is the greatest thing ever, or the sign of the end of days. I saw this product at the store this morning when I ran out to get a couple of things. It’s called Batter Blaster, and it’s basically pancake batter in a whipped cream container. Yes, you read that right. Want a pancake? Spray one out. How about a couple of waffles? Knock yourself out. No waste and no dirty dishes. You only use what you need and save the rest for later. Its certainly got a lot of awesome going for it, but there’s something that just feels wrong about spray pancakes. Spray cheese I’m ok with, but I’m just not sure I can handle this. However, if I could somehow rig it up to spray through a propane torch to deliver a continuous stream of cooked pancakey goodness, I might be able to learn to accept it. Maybe I could mount it to a hat next to my single slice bacon cooker and dispenser. Yum!

Oh and the kicker? Yes, you read the label correctly, it’s organic!

In case you aren’t aware, there is a lunar eclipse this evening. Neat.

Coincidentally (?) there is also an errant satellite that will be shot down during the aforementioned eclipse. Also neat.

I see this going one of 2 ways, either completely uneventfully, or horribly, horribly, wrong.

The former option probably doesn’t require much exposition. Missile, Satellite, Boom. It’s the latter, and far more interesting option that is not quite obvious, so I’ll lay it out for you.

Some aspect of the eclipse will cause the missile to fail to impact the target. It may be that the alignment of the Earth, Sun and Moon causes a slight change in the gravitational field of the Earth that messes up the guidance system, or maybe just a rather important Navy officer gets distracted by the spectacle, not important which. This error causes the missile to continue traveling through space until it finally strikes our poor, defenseless Moon. The resulting explosion is enough to fracture the little planetoid into several chunks. As the eclipse subsides it reveals the shattered Moon to the horrified population of the earth.

Over the course of the next few months, the orbit of our own planet around the Sun is affected by this change. The Earth’s path becomes more elliptical bringing us both closer and farther away from the Sun at the extremes. The result is stifling summer temperatures and brutal winter conditions. Over time, the climate degrades further and further and we are periodically peppered by the smaller chunks of debris from the moon.

Eventually, the increased radiation from the close proximity to the Sun mutates those who spend too much time outside into bloodthirsty zombies (there are always zombies). The population dwindles as more of us become, or are consumed by, these zombies, and the environment becomes increasingly toxic.

Finally, despite the efforts of a plucky oil drilling crew, the largest pieces of the moon come crashing into the Earth, instantly wiping out huge chunks of the remaining populace. This event pushes our orbit even farther out of alignment resulting in complete, yet spectacular, destruction as we collide with Jupiter.

I’m sure everything will be fine, but would it really hurt to just push the missile launch off until tomorrow?

Some things just must be posted immediately, because if I don’t get the word on this one out, it may be too late. If you’re still reading this blog you have accepted the fact that all of humanity will perish at the hands of zombies, robots, monkeys or some combination thereof. But come on people! Do we have to make it this easy for them?

Read more at Gizmodo or PostlerFerguson.

Don’t miss the pic of the Brain Piercer, um, I mean, Ear Groomer

So there appears to be this drug, scopolamine, that basically turns one into a mindless, subservient zombie. Some unsavory types are using this to con folks out of their life savings and for other nefarious purposes. While it doesn’t seem to currently generate the kind of traditional zombies that we all worry about attacking us, it’s probably only a few molecules away from doing that. You may want to keep an eye on it.

This drug comes from the Borrachero tree that grows wild in Colombia, so it’s not exactly hard to get. Here’s an article that describes the situation. One especially amusing excerpt:

“We probably should put some sort of fence up,” jokes biologist Gustavo Morales at Bogota’s botanical gardens, eyeing children playing with borrachero seeds everywhere.

“If you ate a few of those, it would kill you.”

You should “probably put a fence up”? Ya think?!

“Ok, kids, go out and play, but remember to stay away from the zombie tree! Don’t want you filling up on brains and not being able to finish your dinner!”