The Threadless Nut

So, on the way to work today there’s this guy standing on the sidewalk. He’s got this rather huge sign that says in big red letters “JESUS”. Yes, that’s all it said. While I don’t really have a problem with someone carrying a sign around, I’m used to them having some sort of verb-like thing on them.

I’m wondering if he’s a limo driver and was just there to pick Jesus up? It would make sense that someone of Jesus’ status wouldn’t be confined to airports as points of arrival, but he probably wouldn’t need a limo in that case either.

A co-worker suggested that maybe he just likes to over-emphasize his expletives, maybe he has a whole collection of signs for various situations, “Son of a Bitch”, “Ow, that hurt”, “It’s 3:15”.

A final possibility is that maybe he’s trying to bring back the Burma-Shave style of large scale public information. I’ll have to see if he has another sign tomorrow, stay tuned and perhaps all will become clear.

So there appears to be this drug, scopolamine, that basically turns one into a mindless, subservient zombie. Some unsavory types are using this to con folks out of their life savings and for other nefarious purposes. While it doesn’t seem to currently generate the kind of traditional zombies that we all worry about attacking us, it’s probably only a few molecules away from doing that. You may want to keep an eye on it.

This drug comes from the Borrachero tree that grows wild in Colombia, so it’s not exactly hard to get. Here’s an article that describes the situation. One especially amusing excerpt:

“We probably should put some sort of fence up,” jokes biologist Gustavo Morales at Bogota’s botanical gardens, eyeing children playing with borrachero seeds everywhere.

“If you ate a few of those, it would kill you.”

You should “probably put a fence up”? Ya think?!

“Ok, kids, go out and play, but remember to stay away from the zombie tree! Don’t want you filling up on brains and not being able to finish your dinner!”

I recently spotted this maintenance log attached to a large air handler in a lab:

• 3/10/06-Change filter & belts, grease bearings
• 8/17/06-Replace worn sheave
• 8/23/06-Install correct sheave & new motor

I guess someone made a bit of a mistake.

So what happened with the number 9? Did they get through creating the number 8 and were just so tired that they said “Screw it, just flip the 6 over, I’m going home!”

Ok, (yes I know most of my posts start with “Ok”, deal with it) Declan’s been enjoying watching some cartoons recently. His favorites include, rather unremarkably, Dora and Diego. I’ve been trying to get him hooked on Gatchaman and The Tick, but it just ain’t happening.

So Dora seems fine enough, she does all sorts of things that are fun and adventurous, uses her backpack and map a lot, and has to avoid swiper. Great, Declan loves it and is responsive to the educational content.

Then comes Diego, if you don’t know, Diego is Dora’s cousin. He lives in the rain forest and helps rescue various animals in trouble.

Diego is so much cooler than Dora.

Firstly, he takes a zipline everywhere he goes. So much cooler than walking or riding an ice cream truck.

Next he has this vest. He pulls a cord on the collar and the vest turns into whatever he needs. It’ll grow sleeves if it’s cold, or a hood if it’s raining, even turns into a life jacket when Diego needs to hit the rapids.

But this is the coolest part of all:

Dora has backpack, Diego has Rescue Pack. First off, Rescue Pack is a messenger bag. Ask any employee at Abercrombie and, if you can hear them over the blaring music in the store, they will tell you that a messenger bag is way cooler than a backpack. As if that’s not enough, where backpack can carry things, like a bananas or sticky tape, Rescue Pack turns into stuff. Not boring stuff, cool stuff, a snowboard, a mountain bike, a hang glider, climbing gear. I’ll take a kayak over a roll of tape any day. And just to rub it in, Rescue Pack gets this cool song and dance number every time he is deployed. It’s this salsa thing with spotlights and everything. I sing it all day.

So all this adds up to Diego being cool, in fact too cool for Nick Jr. I predict that soon Diego will have a new show. This show will be called Diego After Dark and will be set in Diego’s secret grotto deep in the rain forest. This will be a cool show, and it will be that kind of cool you don’t find anymore. Movie stars and playmates will hang out at the grotto with Diego. Diego will arrive, pull the cord on his vest and it will turn into an embroidered black silk shirt, casual, cool, and sexy. Rescue Pack will be there, wearing sunglasses, playing piano for Miss March and Miss October while sipping his martini. Diego will just walk around and chat with his friends, pouring Cristal as he wanders. Occasionally he’ll talk straight to the camera as if you are there with them all.

Yes, this is a blatant ripoff of Playboy After Dark from the 60s-70s. However, I think Diego can inject enough novelty into it to make it work again and who knows what Rescue Pack can do … after dark.

We shall see.